I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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