I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
