K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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