you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
