how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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