I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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