i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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