You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
