Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
