It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
