So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
