Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just googled if crying burns calories
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
