Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I still have a little drunk in my system
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
