Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
