Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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