Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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