He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
