dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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