oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
