Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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