I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
