Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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