dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
