I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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