As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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