she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
