The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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