basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
