I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
