no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
