wat bout pragnant strippers??
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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