The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
