so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
