I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
