I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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