i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
