I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
