I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
