if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
