I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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