just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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