went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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