You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
