I am spending my child support on dildos
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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