If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
