Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
