My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
