Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
