During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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