I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
