so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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