1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
