my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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