If that was your dad, he is hot
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
