Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
